Tell me if this sounds familiar, you’re in a relationship with a person who seems to have it all. Great personality, attentive, physically attractive, and knows all the right things to say to melt your heart. On top of that, they look and act busy, so they spend part of their time doing other stuff that you don’t quite know about just yet. So far you like the sense of companionship with this person. Maybe even the thrill of knowing more about them, because they seem mysterious at times, and you’re fascinated and possibly in love. You feel like this person could be the one, so you decide that living together will give you the chance to see what it’s like to grow old with this person. However, after a few months, you start seeing subtle changes to their attitude. What looked sexy mysterious, now seems like a paranoia of secrets that they don’t want you knowing about. All the great things you thought you knew about that person, starts to become more and more like facades of who they’re pretending to be. Fights start and end without logic or explanations, leaving you feeling surprised and confused about who they are, and why you’re in this situation. Then it happens, they physically lay a hand on you. You think it’s your fault so you ignore your gut instinct and try to work it out. Only it doesn’t get better, and you start to question at what point did this start happening and when will it stop.
It’s not always easy to spot abusive relationships because we’re often clouded by our emotional attachment to that person. We allow certain pain to unnerve us because we feel that we’re in love and can endure beyond to save the relationship. According to therapist Shannon Thomas’ interview with Business Insider, victims stay because of they’re biologically attached to their abuser. The Center of Disease Control and Prevention reported that every minute, 20 people are in an abusive relationship. In addition, it’s not just physical pain but psychological as well. The more and more we try to fix it on our own, the worse it gets. Most of us do not dream of being abusive in a relationship. We understand the value of partnership and choose to be vulnerable to growth with another human being. We seek support, appreciation and companionship with someone. We should have the right to be happy. It’s ok to feel afraid and not sure based on your unique situation. And ask for help from those who look out for your happiness.